Gratitude

This fall I started working with a program called Girls on the Run as an assistant coach for a group of twenty 4th & 5th grade girls. They are crazy, super fun, talented, intelligent, and amazing. I am learning so much from them! Twice a week, we discuss issues relevant in their lives and then work on our strength and conditioning and put in some miles with the goal of completing a 5k at the end of the season.

Leading  discussion with the girls makes me think about how these issues affect my life (in a shocking amount of ways, life is not that different now than in 4th grade). Today, we talked about gratitude.

Annapurna Circuit, Nepal

I think of my recent adventure trekking the Annapurna Circuit in Nepal, a trip that was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting. I had just quit my office job, where I had been for seven years, to focus on finishing my masters. I had no idea who I was anymore, or what I wanted in life. I needed this adventure to wipe the slate clean - and it did. 

Everything I had worried about at home - which essentially boiled down to Am I enough? - was irrelevant. All I worried about in Nepal was access to clean water and putting one foot in front of the next. The most grateful I have ever felt was when I stepped into an outdoor solar shower and found that the water was not only hot, but had good water pressure.

That shower was so damn good, given the circumstances, that I'll never forget it. I mean that seriously. Every time I take a shower at home I tear up a little. I have such a nice shower, and I am so grateful for it. There is no sarcasm here. I feel similarly about toilet paper and working plumbing, and anyone who has spent time on a similar adventure knows what I'm talking about.

So I'm grateful for showers - but also what they remind me of: surviving, persisting, and succeeding through my 20s, only to find in my 29th year that I felt like a stranger to myself. And then having the courage, and the support from my friends and family, to go find myself again. I'm still in that process and it's been tough, but man am I grateful for being here.

But gratitude isn't just about feeling thankful. It is also "readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness" (Oxford). This is the gratitude that strikes me as important now. To be thankful is good, and good for you. To return kindness, to take your thankfulness and happy feelings and do something with it - actually means something. 

Now I have to ask myself: I'm thankful for hot showers, so what...?